NLP... another gimmick or perhaps it could just change your life

NLP stands for Neuro (the mind) Linguistic (language) Programming (how to respond to any given situation) and is defined as a series of techniques that leaves behind trails or the natural way of living and the natural way of communicating. That's quite a mouthful! Fear not, I shall aim to simplify its concepts (as far as understand it) and offer you an insight into NLP focusing on aspects that interest me.


My discovery of NLP kick-started off yesterday as I attended an NLP course delivered by Shahid Akmal with my good friend Tasif. Though it was a paid for course (sigh) it was one which I wont be forgetting too soon; my interest was proven by the fact that I hadn't fallen asleep by the end of it (as it so happens when Tasif takes me to a course).


What is NLP and how do I use it? NLP is the conscious realisation of the external world being processed, internalised and then used to achieve specific and desired outcomes. For example you would like to build rapport (connection/engagement) with an individual; imagine this to be our desired goal. You would first have to make observations (consciously making judgements based on evidence). You may see certain behavioural patterns which allows you to come to a conclusion whether the person is happy, sad, angry or depressed. We do this everyday without even thinking about it when we see the 'glow' on a person's face we ask "why are you so happy" or when a person has their head down we ask "you're looking a bit glum, can I help". NLP allows one to gain insight into how we came to that conclusion that someone is happy or sad, and from there it gets a whole lot more interesting.


So now we've processed the external world (or a small part of it), lets assume the individual is angry. You would then calm them down using techniques from NLP and then engage with them (rapport). Imagine you are working at a customer service desk and the individual we've been talking about was an angry customer and you want them to understand why you cant refund a purchase they had made. This is where the 'linguisitic' part of NLP comes in. You want to decipher what type of communication model the customer is using: visual, auditory, kinesthetic or auditory digital i.e. picturing things, hearing things, feeling things or thinking things through. All this means is what type of language is the customer using and how do you use this knowledge. It may go something like this, the customer says "LOOK you're not SEEING my point" - this is a visual type of language  ('look' and 'see') and thus you would respond effectively by copying the same type of language "it LOOKS like... and it APPEARS to me... and I will SEE to it that this happens". In this way the customer service employee has calmed the customer down and explained their policy on refunds more effectively than without using the NLP system.


This is just a brief glance and a walk-through at one aspect of what I learnt at the NLP course yesterday and by no means is it comprehensive enough for you to make your own decision about it. What I will say is that there's definitely more to learn and appreciate. For instance the ethics (presuppositions) of NLP resonates loud and clear with a five-part series by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf  where he states that we should accept people for who they are - they have their own model of the world and we have our own model and we need to respect that.


I discovered through NLP that I was an 'auditory visual' person, which means apart from talking to myself (no really that's what 'auditory visual' people do) I am a person that likes to think things through before I respond and I like to know if something makes sense. That actually made a lot of sense to me and I know that my friend Bilal will definitely admit to me talking-to-myself on more than one occasion, I can fondly hear him remark "you know mental people do that, people will think you're insane". If there was any consolation it was knowing that Tasif was also an 'auditory visual'.

Realisation

I could feel the adrenaline bubble inside of me. Like someone's punched me in the stomach. A feeling of being pushed into a well. It's dark. I feel terrible, I just want it all to go away like it used to be. But nothing is ever quite the same again. 


I've had an argument and clearly I'm angry and annoyed, I seclude myself in privacy and I'm left to my own thoughts. Quickly my mind wonders to the future and I concoct scenarios where I would be horrible and cold, where I could gloat this is what happens when you mess with me. After this brief moment of 'me against the world' I come to my senses. Yes I am feeling a bit emotional but there is something here so precious that if I let it slip I would be a fool. Because here in this moment of time and space I could truly reflect on who I was and where I was going. Only in this moment of anger and frustration does one's soul become perturbed. It was a turning point for me. I realised something. This something was actually two things. One is always unique to the situation and the other always constant. 


The first 'something' that I learnt was that I am actually arrogant when it comes to my brother, the fact of the matter is when I felt like I was in the wrong and he was the one pointing it out I felt myself burning inside and I was all the more insistent on my argument being right and his wrong. But now that I come to think of it, it was me all along. All those arguments that we've had I was my own undoing. I had expected too much from him, he was as he is (himself) and I tried too much to change that, worse still I usually always thought that I was right! My thoughts on this matter is that its easy being nice and good to others that are distant but to humble oneself before a person that is near (actually before a blood-brother) is more difficult than anything I've learnt to do or abstain from. The feeling of being humbled in the sight of someone that you see day in day out is challenging to deal with but it is an act that I see good for the soul.


The second something I realised was a thing I alluded earlier on, a thing constant. I contemplated who I was and where I was going. After reminding myself these two things was I able to ponder how I would refine how I was going to achieve my purpose and reach my end destination. 


Sometimes a shock to the soul forces one to ask fundamental questions, and most of the time we need this as a wake-up call.