I could feel the adrenaline bubble inside of me. Like someone's punched me in the stomach. A feeling of being pushed into a well. It's dark. I feel terrible, I just want it all to go away like it used to be. But nothing is ever quite the same again.
I've had an argument and clearly I'm angry and annoyed, I seclude myself in privacy and I'm left to my own thoughts. Quickly my mind wonders to the future and I concoct scenarios where I would be horrible and cold, where I could gloat this is what happens when you mess with me. After this brief moment of 'me against the world' I come to my senses. Yes I am feeling a bit emotional but there is something here so precious that if I let it slip I would be a fool. Because here in this moment of time and space I could truly reflect on who I was and where I was going. Only in this moment of anger and frustration does one's soul become perturbed. It was a turning point for me. I realised something. This something was actually two things. One is always unique to the situation and the other always constant.
The first 'something' that I learnt was that I am actually arrogant when it comes to my brother, the fact of the matter is when I felt like I was in the wrong and he was the one pointing it out I felt myself burning inside and I was all the more insistent on my argument being right and his wrong. But now that I come to think of it, it was me all along. All those arguments that we've had I was my own undoing. I had expected too much from him, he was as he is (himself) and I tried too much to change that, worse still I usually always thought that I was right! My thoughts on this matter is that its easy being nice and good to others that are distant but to humble oneself before a person that is near (actually before a blood-brother) is more difficult than anything I've learnt to do or abstain from. The feeling of being humbled in the sight of someone that you see day in day out is challenging to deal with but it is an act that I see good for the soul.
The second something I realised was a thing I alluded earlier on, a thing constant. I contemplated who I was and where I was going. After reminding myself these two things was I able to ponder how I would refine how I was going to achieve my purpose and reach my end destination.
Sometimes a shock to the soul forces one to ask fundamental questions, and most of the time we need this as a wake-up call.
I've had an argument and clearly I'm angry and annoyed, I seclude myself in privacy and I'm left to my own thoughts. Quickly my mind wonders to the future and I concoct scenarios where I would be horrible and cold, where I could gloat this is what happens when you mess with me. After this brief moment of 'me against the world' I come to my senses. Yes I am feeling a bit emotional but there is something here so precious that if I let it slip I would be a fool. Because here in this moment of time and space I could truly reflect on who I was and where I was going. Only in this moment of anger and frustration does one's soul become perturbed. It was a turning point for me. I realised something. This something was actually two things. One is always unique to the situation and the other always constant.
The first 'something' that I learnt was that I am actually arrogant when it comes to my brother, the fact of the matter is when I felt like I was in the wrong and he was the one pointing it out I felt myself burning inside and I was all the more insistent on my argument being right and his wrong. But now that I come to think of it, it was me all along. All those arguments that we've had I was my own undoing. I had expected too much from him, he was as he is (himself) and I tried too much to change that, worse still I usually always thought that I was right! My thoughts on this matter is that its easy being nice and good to others that are distant but to humble oneself before a person that is near (actually before a blood-brother) is more difficult than anything I've learnt to do or abstain from. The feeling of being humbled in the sight of someone that you see day in day out is challenging to deal with but it is an act that I see good for the soul.
The second something I realised was a thing I alluded earlier on, a thing constant. I contemplated who I was and where I was going. After reminding myself these two things was I able to ponder how I would refine how I was going to achieve my purpose and reach my end destination.
Sometimes a shock to the soul forces one to ask fundamental questions, and most of the time we need this as a wake-up call.
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